This is similar to the illusion of normality-it doesn’t really exist .Many issues start with the fear of feeling ‘out of control’. For example fear of flying or being driven stems from the panic that you are not in control of whats happening.So avoiding the situation can make you feel safer, more in charge but actually you are being controlled by your unconscious, your fear and that is like putting yourself in the hands of a temper tantruming toddler- all emotion , no logic.
Only 10% of what we do comes from our conscious mind, the rest (breathing, blood circulation,hair growing and unfortunately many of our choices) comes from our unconscious mind. If you meet someone and don’t really ‘gel’ with them your unconscious mind will probably come up with several good ‘ reasons ‘ why not ( seems bossy, loud,too quiet,don’t like the tie etc) but in reality your unconscious (which is programmed to look out for similarities /patterns) has decided that this person looks too much like the kid that bullied you at school so beware ! Your unconscious’s super power is bearing grudges !
So challenging choices is one way to regain control. Don’t believe everything you think !
Also you will never feel in control if you rely on outside influences to make you happy. We can never totally control what happens to us and much anxiety comes from trying to or thinking its possible. Strength and happiness lies within. Work on yourself so that you feel strong enough to cope with anything life throws at you. Thats what real control is.